For my design peeps...

Ran across a couple examples of abused designers speaking up recently. It fills me with joy to see my brethren firing back at greedy and delusional clients. (back stories after jump)

Friday Night Lites

The Scene: Friday night, PB Ale House, approximately 6pm PST.

We walk into a fairly busy Aloha Friday for cheap fish tacos and cold Primos. We secure our usual table and are immediately made aware of 4 extremely drunk guys at the end of the bar and right in front of us. Upon quick survey, we notice they are wearing pub crawl shirts with all the bars checked off and a few written in with sharpies at the bottom (not including the bar they are currently in which means they are no longer counting). We found the following events worth sharing.

Event #1 The Fall of Odem
The drunkest of the guys is named Odem. This information was made very public to everyone in the bar as his name was screamed the most and at the highest volume. Odem is seated right behind Jenny at the bar. Odem is hammered. He has his feet on the bar and is leaning the tall bar chair back at about a 35 degree angle, telling a very animated story that requires quite a bit of upper body movement. I am thinking, "Yeah. Odem is going down for sure." I tell Jenny to brace herself. She adjusts in her seat and looks worried. Part of me wants to prevent the disaster and part of me wants to watch this idiot fall. Not 30 seconds later BAM. Odem is down. Odem went down hard. The second drunkest guy immediately turns into a paramedic / grief counselor / AA Sponsor / Bar Security. Odem does not appear to be seriously hurt, but he does not look well. 2nd Drunkest guy pounds the bar and demands water like an ER surgeon screaming for a pint of blood. We are amused.

Event #2 Odem Hates the Steelers.
Odem has been reseated at the bar and appears to be in some kind of pub crawl timeout. No one is talking to him and they will no longer serve him. Odem manages to focus on the tv in front of him. He sees the Pittsburgh Steelers. Odem hates the Steelers. He verbalizes this by shouting "FUCK THE STEELERS!" while pointing at the tv. On this subject, Odem and I are in agreement as the Steelers beat San Diego in October and like a good football fan, I hold grudges. The only problem with Odem's proclamation is that he's watching the 1998 49ers-Packers Wildcard game on ESPN Classic.

Event #3 Odem's Phone
Upon his release from timeout, Odem makes his way to his friends and rejoins the yelling contest. One of the bartenders notices an iphone on the bar where our hero was seated. She lights up the screen in hopes the owner's identity will be revealed. After word gets to Odem through a very drunken game of telephone, he makes a serpentine path back to the bar.

Bartender: Is this your phone?
Odem: No! That's MY phone!
Bartender: Yeah that's what I asked
Odem: *snatches phone and squints to read screen* Who were you calling!?!
Bartender: ...No one. *walks away*

Odem holds his phone at shoulder level and returns to his friends with zero understanding of the events that just transpired.

As the night went on, we enjoyed our tacos and toggled between the 49ers-Packers and The Odem Show, including a lively attempt at a plate of wings that resulted in one of his friends yelling, "Odem.. no one is going to take you seriously with all that shit on your face!". The only thing that we found troubling was that through the drunken screaming and after spotting some military apparel, it was revealed that these guys were either chopper mechanics or pilots. Drunk driving is dangerous, but imagine the damage a badly hungover and probably concussed Odem could do with a fully-loaded Blackhawk. I hope he had the weekend off.

Steve Knows His Rights

When he yelled what he yelled after getting tased, I nearly followed suit. It's safe for work, but not if you shouldn't be laughing at your desk.

*spolier*
Put aside the fact that he's getting a DUI on a lawnmower- what kind of rocks does it take to scream "I KNOW MY RIGHTS!!" while sporting a fresh pantload of hot dook. This man is my hero.

Deer Killed After Jump into Zoo's Lion Den

I would post the video but all you have to do is google "baby deer vs. lions" and you'll find it. The deer ends up getting away, but dies later from fatal wounds inflicted during the attack. The best part of the video is all the morons barking instructions at the deer which is priceless.
He must have really wanted out of his enclosure, but talk about immediately regretting a decision.

Deer: I gotta get out of this place. I think I can make it over that wall. What's the worst thing that could be on the other side? Couple goats? A lemur? I'm going for it.

*Jumps over wall*

Deer: ...F@#K!! LIONS!.

Lion 1: is that... am I hallucinating? Did our natural prey just jump into our enclosure?

Lion 2: Best... Sunday... Ever...

Stupid or Douchebag?

Last Sunday we hopped on the beach cruisers and took the bay down to PB Ale House to watch the Chargers narrowly defeat the Giants. We ride along at a pretty good click when the path opens up and have to keep our heads on a swivel in case mindless tourons wobble out in front of us. As per usual, one did and I called out the customary "Heads Up!". It was a kid on a mountain bike who's father had pushed him into the path traffic without looking either way. My warning was firm but not impolite. The father immediately pulled the kid to the side an yelled, "Watch out for the Raider fan, Joey!" This would have been fine if I was wearing black warpaint and shoulderpads with foam spikes, but we were both decked from head to toe in Charger Blue and Gold.

Here's where Stupid or Douchbag comes into play.

1. Stupid: Really? You take the time to note that you recognize me as a football fan but you don't know the teams so you yell the first one that comes into your peanut-shaped head.

2. Douchbag: You do know the teams and are acutely aware of the stereotype that Raider fans are all assholes, so you take a shot at me for correcting your horrible job as a parent by clearing your snotnose kid off the busy path so he doesn't get T-boned by some chick on rollerblades who's going for the world landspeed record while playing Mafia Wars on her Blackberry.

Stupid Douchebag. I feel better.