Top 3

Top 3 most awesome things I saw in PB this weekend:

#3. An extended black Ford Super Duty with no less than a 5 foot lift, packed with douchenozzles wearing hats and white sunglasses. Not sure if they were locals, but the license plate started with A and ended with RIZONA. I didn't look for the plastic nuts hanging from the tow hitch, but we all know they were there. Awesome.

#2. A guy stall his custom chopper while trying to look cool in front of an open patio full of drunk hecklers. And to think, no one would have even noticed if the bike wasn't so loud. Tough-guy Fail.

#1. A homeless man crossing the street, double-fisting tall boys with a huge toothless grin and a stuffed penguin strapped to his head. Hobo Win.

Nothing's Shocking

It has been a slow week. My buddy Joel doesn't read this blog, so I think i'll tell this story.

Every Friday I go to lunch with the boys from the office. There are some rotating members, but Joel, Kurtis and I are usually the nexus. We go to Islands and have the same crappy servers who feign interest in our boring conversations and attempt light humor in between fake smiles. It's a relationship everyone is comfortable with. That is, until last week when Joel brought it to the next level, much to everyone's horror.

Waitress: oooh, i like your wedding band, my brother has one like it.

Joel: This isn't a wedding band, it's on my right hand. This is the shocker finger!

I don't know what happened next because I closed my eyes, dropped my head and prayed she didn't know what he was talking about. The 16 Mississippis of uncomfortable silence told me she did and Joel confirmed it by yelling, "Ahhh- see, YOU know what i'm talking about!!". I briefly considered just sliding under the table and crawling out the door on my hands and knees. I finally looked up at her blank expression and began ordering as if nothing happened. She quickly swiveled to face me and was more than happy to talk about food. I could have asked her for her check card pin number and she would have most likely stared me in the face and recited it.

Way to go, Joel.