You know that thing sticking out of your steering column? Pull on it. If your windshield wipers don't turn on and you hear a clicking sound, you've just located your Turn Indicator [tûrn in-di-kay-tor]. Let me explain why this is an important discovery for you.
When cars were first invented, auto makers realized they needed a way to allow people to signal which way they were turning so cars weren't slamming into each other all day. They developed this lever and placed it right on the steering column for drivers to pull up and down, causing lights to blink in the rear of the vehicle. These lights tell other drivers the direction you intend to turn. Notice the word "indicate" is right there in the name. That's no accident.
If you're still confused, click here. Otherwise, let's move on.
When you ignore this important signaling device, you're essentially saying, "Fuck it, let people guess which way i'm turning." That's not a responsible attitude. That's allowing the general public to make decisions based on too little information. These are the same people ignoring their own turn signal and we can't just have everyone out there guessing. That's anarchy. Anarchy is a cool thing to scratch into your classroom desk, but it sucks at keeping people from bouncing off each other like Goddamn pinballs on the road.
How bout we use our turn indicators, huh? Thanks. Thanks a pant-load.
This is possibly the greatest 5 minutes of film recorded in the 1980s. I challenge.. no, i DARE you to watch Daniel-san go into the crane without getting the chills.
Click here to download your very own training soundtrack.
Sarah recently gave an interview on the Adam Carolla Show promoting her new show on Comedy Central. The cast was lavishing praise on her and touting her as "The female Bill Hicks". What a load of shit. Sarah Silverman is a talentless hack. She is not funny. She seems nice enough and i'm sure she's a decent person, but she's not funny or clever. I know Adam's relationship with Jimmy Kimmel may have been the accelerant, but I have another theory:
She's hot.
That's it. No one expects hot girls to be funny, so when she makes a fart joke or says something dirty, everyone giggles. Its the same reason Jenny McCarthy was considered controversial for sitting on the toilet in the Candies advertisement. Swap her out for Sarah Vowell (who is funny) and the controversy is over. No one cares except people that listen to NPR and have a toilet fetish.
Hot chicks being famous for being hot is nothing new and I am all for celebrating beauty, but let's not let the fact that they're attractive allow us to believe they are funny or witty. They don't need to be funny to get attention, so most of them don't bother developing a sense of humor. This is not to say that hot girls aren't ever funny, but Silverman seems to fall into the same category as Carlos Mencia. They "will say anything and they so crazy!". They not crazy. They not funny. They suck.
14-2 is an atrocious record. We should keep our inexperienced offensive coordinator, fire the defensive coordinator and what the hell- fire the only head coach to bring a winning season to San Diego since Bobby Ross. Do that. Do exactly that.
Well fuck you, Spanos. I'm going to continue to root for the Chargers no matter what you do to keep them out of the super bowl. You think you can dissuade me? Shit- i'll paint my face and watch this team lose until the cows come home.
update: 2/19 Our prayers have been answered! They fixed it! This morning, the Chargers hired Norv Turner as the head coach for 2007.
He was fired by the Raiders in 2005 after going 9-23 in two seasons.
Whew- i thought they were going to screw that up too. Way to go, guys.
The Bank of America in downtown Santa Barbara has one of the smallest and heavily guarded parking lots in a city of small, heavily guarded parking lots. There are about 30 spots and it's right in the heart of State Street (shopping district). They have no less than two security guards standing watch at all times. To get a spot in this parking lot is like getting a window seat on an airplane or the center row at the movies, but everyone knows that you get your ass in the bank and get your ass out. That's the drill and the security guards are not shy about staring you down, waiting for you to glance at the street.
I was lucky enough to score a spot yesterday after work. I did my business, kept my head down and raced back to my car. As I was waiting for the cars in front of me to figure out how to maneuver their giant SUVs in this tiny lot, i noticed a woman walking in off the street behind me. She was carrying big shopping bags and blabbing on the phone. She was obviously a Montecito resident: think a young Cruella DeVil, honing her cruellaness.
She slowed down next to me and began looking around, confused. Stopping in front of my car (phone still in ear), she started yelling at the security guards. Pointing wildly at an empty spot and sporting a european accent, she shrieked, "I park my car here!". I looked at the security guards, then back at her and put it together.
Haha! They towed her car! Awesome.
She steamed out from in front of me and over to the security guards, flapping her shopping bags and yelling the whole way. Whoever was on the other end of her cell phone got to enjoy this as well, but I suspect anyone calling her knows they may be front seat for a tirade at any given point in their conversation anyway. The security guards shrugged their shoulders but their faces said it all. They watched her park in the lot clearly marked private and she probably didn't hear their verbal warnings because she was on the phone. I bet that's like Christmas for them.
I tried to watch the events unfold but traffic forced me out of the parking war zone and into the street. In the distance, i could hear the faint yapping of small dogs in the back window of a Jaguar being towed into the sunset.
You know that thing sticking out of your steering column? Pull on it. If your windshield wipers don't turn on and you hear a clicking sound, you've just located your Turn Indicator [tûrn in-di-kay-tor]. Let me explain why this is an important discovery for you. 
