Chopped Liver

My boss moved a new customer from his work queue to mine this morning. As with all new customers, I called them to introduce myself and have a brief scope meeting. This is how it began:

me: Good morning this is Jerry with [comp name]. Do you have a few minutes to talk about your website?

cust: Um, i think i'm supposed to meet with Justin

me: Oh, i'll be your designer on this project

cust: who is this?

me: Jerry.

cust: What happened to Justin?

me: nn... nothing, the project just got moved... to me

(uncomfortably long pause)

cust: ... I was told Justin is the best

me: uh... I don't... who?... I'm... good....

(another long pause)

cust: ... *sigh* fine, lets get started.

Nothing like a kick in the acorns to start the day.

A Letter to the Lady that Works at the Del Mar Von's Deli

You may have noticed I haven't been around in a while. Well, my company moved and I can no longer walk there on my lunch. On the last day at our old location, I came to your deli counter as usual and I really wanted to tell you goodbye, but I couldn't find the words. As you yelled at your friends over my head and slapped together a sandwich that I didn't order, you never broke the steady glare of contempt that you have for me and I took that for granted. It was a special kind of hate, and I don't think I appreciated you for it. Your customer service standards dropped the bar so low, I just hoped that spit was the only unwanted fluid added to my food. I always ate (at least part of ) whatever you made for me. Mostly out of sheer hunger, but also for fear of you leaping over the deli counter like a whirlwind of fingernails and assaulting me should i dare mention that you achieved your goal of completely screwing up my order on every level possible. Not since my mother hit me with a frying pan have I been more afraid of a woman that handles my food. I'm sure I will experience deli employees in the future that can really fuck up an order and make it my fault, but you will always be the best. I commend you, Mean Vons Deli Counter Lady. Lunch will never taste the same without your special kind of apathy, resentment and bitterness that made my lunch breaks terrifying.