Gone in Zero Seconds

I'd like to take a moment today to thank the fuckwad that tried to steal my truck 3 days before Christmas.

Thanks, fuckwad.

This time of year is IDEAL for me to have to shell out $300 to get my ignition replaced because you jammed a pocket knife into it and broke off the end. Thanks for that. By the way- EXCELLENT plan. Everyone knows you can boost a car with a cheap fucking pocket knife. Oh- and since you punched out the doorlock preventing me from ever locking my door, please feel free to hang out in there and enjoy some delicious crystal meth anytime you like. Just make sure you remember to empty my glovebox onto the floor again. That was a delightful added bonus. Hope those 14 Tic Tacs and my Jiffy Lube receipt from 2007 made your Holidays brighter.