"I Park My Car Here!"

The Bank of America in downtown Santa Barbara has one of the smallest and heavily guarded parking lots in a city of small, heavily guarded parking lots. There are about 30 spots and it's right in the heart of State Street (shopping district). They have no less than two security guards standing watch at all times. To get a spot in this parking lot is like getting a window seat on an airplane or the center row at the movies, but everyone knows that you get your ass in the bank and get your ass out. That's the drill and the security guards are not shy about staring you down, waiting for you to glance at the street.

I was lucky enough to score a spot yesterday after work. I did my business, kept my head down and raced back to my car. As I was waiting for the cars in front of me to figure out how to maneuver their giant SUVs in this tiny lot, i noticed a woman walking in off the street behind me. She was carrying big shopping bags and blabbing on the phone. She was obviously a Montecito resident: think a young Cruella DeVil, honing her cruellaness.

She slowed down next to me and began looking around, confused. Stopping in front of my car (phone still in ear), she started yelling at the security guards. Pointing wildly at an empty spot and sporting a european accent, she shrieked, "I park my car here!". I looked at the security guards, then back at her and put it together.

Haha! They towed her car! Awesome.

She steamed out from in front of me and over to the security guards, flapping her shopping bags and yelling the whole way. Whoever was on the other end of her cell phone got to enjoy this as well, but I suspect anyone calling her knows they may be front seat for a tirade at any given point in their conversation anyway. The security guards shrugged their shoulders but their faces said it all. They watched her park in the lot clearly marked private and she probably didn't hear their verbal warnings because she was on the phone. I bet that's like Christmas for them.

I tried to watch the events unfold but traffic forced me out of the parking war zone and into the street. In the distance, i could hear the faint yapping of small dogs in the back window of a Jaguar being towed into the sunset.