A List of Things I Would Rather be Doing Other Than Watching World Cup Soccer

• Debating Healthcare Reform with a potted ficus
• Memorizing Joran Van Der Sloot's wikipedia page
• Staring at the sun
• Inventing new mediums for the cranberry
• Watching any other sport that happened to be on tv (including womans basketball just to prove a point)
• Searching, viewing and commenting on all the youtube results for "groin" and "trauma"
• Cleaning dead moths out of the porch light
• Baking fruitcake
• Baking fruitcake with some of the dead moths in it and bringing to work
• Figuring out if my phone number spells anything dirty
• Packing and unpacking for a vacation I don't have
• Teaching my dog to pee in the same spots on the lawn until the dead grass reads "Help My Owner Beats Me"
• Learning Perl
• Making lists of things I would rather be doing other than watching World Cup Soccer