Sexual Harassment Day

I just sat through a 2 hour sexual harassment course. I drove in on a sick day especially for it which was awesome because I managed to cough the whole way though which my coworkers surely enjoyed. Our HR rep is also a contractor, so unlike a normal HR director that works full time who would tend to move it along, she felt the need to recount elaborate examples for each of the five thousand, full-color printed slides in an effort to justify her billed time. That meant the company essentially shut down for two hours so this lady could explain that we shouldn't spend the workday chasing each other around the office like horny capuchin monkeys. I could have summed her entire presentation up in eleven words:

KEEP YOUR DICK IN YOUR PANTS WHILE YOU ARE AT WORK.

I say "dick" because, lets face it, you really think that meeting is for women? Yes, I know there have been a handful of cases where some pussy filed a claim against his female boss for calling him "honey", but we all know that meeting is for the other 99% of cases involving a wildly inappropriate middle-aged dude and a receptionist with big cans.

I know the real reason for this "training" is so that my employer can cover his ass when the sales manager yells "Merry Xmas Bitches" and springs out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles and mistletoe tied to his crank at the Christmas party, but I think there should be an option for normal guys who aren't planning on sending out stupid emails or cracking bad racial jokes to sign a letter and go back to work. Or at least selling the appearance of working and writing vitriolic blog posts.