Att: Sam who likes guys who sell bikes

This is in response to an email from Sam L. (ztzopd@aol.com) who contacted me after I posted an ad looking for my bike in the bicycles section on craigslist. This is his/her email:

From your post you seem very interesting so i thought i'd break the ice.I'm 21 years old and single again. I recently got out of a long term relationship and I have totally forgotten how to date. I'm not looking for anything serious right off the bat but I would like to go on casual dates again and get to know people, if it turns into something more then no problems. I'm somewhat shy, a bit eccentric and I can be very blunt. I wear t-shirts, play video games, have a WOW account,watch anime, and I love pizza and sushi. Hey if you want to meet up tonight and chat check out my photos and profile on http://lustchat.does.it my screenname is sam21bunny let me know what time you would like me to get o so we can chat..later tonight

Sam L.

********** My response **********

To Sam L.,

Thanks for contacting me regarding your relationship status and your desire to date people selling bikes on Craigslist. Since you never mentioned your gender and your name is unisex, I have to assume you are a heterosexual woman or a gay man. Actually, I never mentioned MY gender in the description of my bike, meaning you might think i'm a woman which would make you a heterosexual man or a gay woman. So- now that we've nailed you down to 4 different gender / lifestyle combos, lets get to the dating. Wait a minute... what if you're a transsexual? Ok- we've whittled away the mystery and concluded that you're one of at least 6 possibilities. I'm not judging, clearly you're interested in me, so who am I to turn down a compliment. Let's move on with the rest of your letter...

Ah- you wear t-shirts. Interesting. I've often wondered what it would be like to date someone that wears t-shirts. I see couples wearing t-shirts all the time and think to myself, "Yeah, that looks right." I could be like those people that start dating someone who is a little punk rock and they start with the leather bracelet and before you know it they're wearing black fingernail polish, sporting a fauxhawk and bitching about Alkaline Trio. Maybe I could start wearing t-shirts too. I hope my friends don't call me out on the lifestyle change.

A WoW account?? What are the odds of two Warcrafters using a free online ecommerce website to meet people?? This is fate, Sam. I Know it. We are destined to wear t-shirts and eat pizza together. T-shirts, pizza and World of Warcraft. Thats an uncanny combination of things that we have in common. Here on craigslist.

I'm glad you included your profile at lustchat.com. Most people would be suspicious that this was an intentionally vague copy & paste that some douchebag spammer was sending to people selling stuff on Craigslist, but i'm not. You said you're shy and a shy person wouldn't do that.

Contact me at my lustchat screen name, fuckoffspammer21. Oh there's the doorbell. I need to pause my game and throw on a t-shirt. The pizza's here.