Hey bartender...

As a former bartender, I know the strains and perils of having someone's drink order in your hands. I know that sometimes, you have to play God and make life-threatening decisions based on what type of glass to serve a cosmo in. I mean, do you serve it in a martini glass or a cocktail glass? I too have been put in situations that require the razor-sharp mind and steady hand of an experienced bartender. I know, brother. I know.

My question to you is not about your ability or technique. My question is about your attitude. I remember having bad nights behind the bar. I've been stiffed by the drunk chick who just puked in the sink. Those were the nights that we as bartenders grit our teeth and press on into the night. Sometimes, it's tough to be the super-witty, pistol-winking, wise-cracking bartender that everyone loves, but you have to keep a united front and fight through the pain. Tips, man. Do it for the tips. The only thing worse than having a bad night is having a bad night and not making any money.

You, on the other hand have chosen a different road. Everytime I walk in, be it for a morning mimosa or late night cocktail, I am reminded of what a colossal asswipe you are. I go there for the beach front view and cheap drinks, but every time I interact with you I am reminded, "Oh, yeah. This guy is a complete prick. I forgot.".

What's your angle, man? Do you hate your job? Quit. I can't imagine you make any money when you treat the customers like shit. You should join the police academy or something. That way you could enjoy your dick-headed lifestyle without effecting your income. You could probably even crank it up a notch because, hey, you have a gun. Imagine the attitude you could sling at people then!

All i'm saying is, consider your position in society before you decide you're better than everyone else. You make minimum wage and perpetually smell like vomit. How bout we kick that attitude down a click?