Let's all go to the med center!

Yesterday, I had to go to the medical center. Don't worry, i'm fine. It was a bit strange though. As a young daredevil, I spent an inordinate amount if time in emergency rooms all over Northern California. I built a bike ramp in 1989 that paid for at least one ambulance and a couple "CLEAR!" chest paddle shock thingies. I remember the smells and the people all too well. As an adult, it was like being in your grammar school cafeteria. Except the tater tot smell was rubbing alcohol and the jovial childhood banter was replaced with coughing and hacking. Other than signs banning cell phones, it was a little slice of my childhood and I embraced it warmly.

As I got to the counter, I was hit with the standard questions and issued the usual stack of papers to sign. The receptionist started to hand me his pen to sign everything, then suddenly yanked it back and motioned to a pen cup on the desk. I looked over at the cup full of pens with several hand-written signs taped to it and a box of handy-wipes. The signs said, "Please keep the pens germ-free and wipe them off!". I realized why this kid did NOT want his pen crossing the desk into the germ-ridden waiting room and I respected that. But the pen cup now terrified me. The longer I stared at it, the more aware I became of how long I was staring at it and my fear multiplied. What the fuck is on these pens?!? Finally, I shoved my fear aside and grabbed one. It was the daredevil in me. I signed the forms like a rock star and wiped my pen down. I am still waiting to find out what crippling disease I contracted from the pen cup.

The grocery store near my house has a little pharmacy, so I took my prescription there on the way home. The only person behind the counter was a long-haired guy with a creepy smile. I'm not against guys with long hair or creepy smiles, but he would be the guy on CSI that you think did it in the first 15 minutes, only to find out he was harmless 45 minutes later. My prescription was for antibiotics and when I handed it to him he said, "uuuuuhhh, hmm, do you need this tonight? Cause I don't think I can get it for you tonight.". I looked around the empty pharmacy and said, "uh, i guess not...". He leaned over and said, "Look, I can give you a couple to get you through until tomorrow." I blinked. "ok." He scurried into the rows of pills and came back with an orange bottle. He leaned even closer and motioned for me to lean in. He said, "alright, man. I'm not supposed to let bottles leave without labels. Are you going to be, uh, cool with that?"

Shadiest.

Pharmacist.

Ever.

I gave him the response that anyone would. I nodded and mumbled. He handed me the bottle and I bolted. I jammed it in my pocket, put my head down and walked past the security guard like a drugstore cowboy that just scored a bottle of dilaudid. It made me briefly regret not capitalizing on his loose moral standards. I don't know much about being a pharmacist, but if he could give me two, why couldn't he just fill the prescription? Either way, I drove home with two mystery pills in an unmarked bottle. Guess I should take one.

See you on the other side. *gulp*