Dear Wile E. Coyote,

What's the deal, man? Hunger has driven me to do some pretty desperate things, but you're just making a fool of yourself. I mean, my God, man. Did the rocket skates work last time? No. No they did not. You got your ass pancaked into a rock. Again. What makes you think this time will be any different? And talk about brand loyalty, what's up with all the Acme stuff? Clearly, they make a faulty product. When was the last time anything, (explosive or other), worked?

Look, all i'm saying is you need to attack this road runner thing from another angle. Conventional weapons are not doing the trick. What about an MTV show where you throw yourself into stuff like the guys in Jackass? If there is one thing you are good at, it's taking a beating and you my friend are resilient. You might even consider something in bomb disposal. You seem to bounce back from all the times you've been blown up. Who can say that? Daffy Duck can take a shotgun blast to the face with only temporary bill displacement, but you've fallen 60+ stories how many times? There is also Schematics. You can draw up a pretty sweet diagram. Either way, make some scratch doing something else and just buy an already caught and cooked road runner.

Just some friendly advice, bro. Oh, also, if you find that you've run off a cliff, do NOT look down. I've been watching and that seems to be the thing that drops your ass into the oblivion.

(This is what happens when you watch cartoons on YouTube all day.)