Five rules of thumb

1. The stupider your ringtone, the longer it will take you to answer your phone.


2. The twin miracles of childbirth and pet ownership render you unable to share one photo of anything.


3. If your vanity license plate makes any reference to the make of your vehicle, the people you work with despise you.


4. Ph.D.s who ask to be called “Doctor” should be prepared to refer to every college graduate as “Bachelor.”


5. If you own more than one Enya record you might as well buy all of them and make a little fort.

From Merlin at 5ives