just another reason to hate the holidays...

I hate chocolate. I don't eat sweets, and i haaaate chocolate. I'd rather eat the wrapper it comes in. With this being said, the holidays are an interesting time for me. As everyone knows, the holidays are about festive gluttony, which I am all for. I eat and drink too much just like everyone else. In that respect, I am glad I don't have a sweet tooth because it would be just another vice out of control.

One of the biggest obstacles in visiting friends or attending office functions is the speech I have to give the host/hostess about my dislike of sweets and why i'm not shoveling cookies and pie into my face like everyone else. It usually goes like this:

Host: "ooooh did you try these macadamia double fudge brownie nutter butter surprises with M&Ms?"

Me: "um, no thanks."

Host: "Oh I know, they're fattening, but it's the Holidays! You GOTTA try one"

[holding said brownie two inches from my face]

Me: "Wow, they look great, but I don't really eat sweets."

Host: "WHAT!?!"

Me: "Yeah, it's not a big deal, i just don't really like them."

Host: "What about chocolate?"

Me; "Nope, don't eat the chocolate"

Host: "What about Brownies?"

Me: "Nope, don't eat the brownies."

Host: "Yeah, but you've never had MY brownies"

[Brownie still in my face]

Me: "Well, are they made with fudge?"

Host: "oooh yeah, yummy fudge- mmmmm, it's the best"

Me: "So it tastes like fudge?"

Host: "Yeah, but it's my extra special chocolatey super-fudge with nuts and stuff."

Me: "I just told you I don't like fudge."

Host: "Just try it- i guarantee you'll JUST DIE it's sooo goood"

Me: "Let's go over this again..."

Host: [staring at me like I'm an alien]

Me: "Where's the bar?"

The fact that their intentions are to share something they are proud of with me is the only reason there isn't a stream of expletives in the dialogue above. If the Host is a Grandma or a Supervisor, sometimes i'll take a little bite, smile and slink away to find a place to ditch the "yummy extra chocolatey goodness". Maybe I should just lie and tell them i'm diabetic. That's just another conversation that will send me looking for the bar. I hate the holidays.